Pondering...

11 days from my due date.  I currently can't sleep because all ten of my fingers are "asleep."  My doctor tells me to drink more water to help flush the swelling out of my body.  Too bad diet coke tastes so much better.  This is a little pregnancy side-effect that I didn't experience with Hadley.  It isn't fun.  I can literally feel my fingers going numb and can't do anything to stop it.  So this is exactly what I lie awake, reminding myself I am going to miss about pregnancy.  Hold on to these little physical frustrations because all this will be over so soon.

From the physical side of things, I am so very ready to regain a body that doesn't feel it has been taken over by aliens.  But from all other standpoints I am screaming, "No, I have too much to do!  I'm not ready!"  School has just started for me...a little over a week ago.  I am loving my new school, but feel like I have SO much to do to leave my classroom and kiddos for several weeks.  I do have a retired 4th grade teacher taking over my maternity leave, which is comforting.  Our bags are only partially packed.  In the afternoons and evenings, I want to focus on Hadley as much as I can.  Another thought...it's not just going to be the three of us for much longer.  I'm not going to lie that that thought makes me sad.  But I went through this when Hadley was born.  I actually cried for two solid weeks missing just mine and Justin's life.  And now I cannot imagine my world without Hadley.  So I have the peace of knowing that I will, indeed, feel the same way about baby boy in a very short time.  I worry about where I'll be when I go in to labor.  Please not in front of my classroom.  I hope we'll have plenty of time to call Justin's parents to come get Hadley so we can make it to the hospital in Bowling Green before intense pain hits.  Why do I worry about these things so much??

Hadley is about to move out of the Sunshine Room, at daycare, and into the Honeybear Room.  I didn't think this move would come for another couple of months.  I worry that she has too many transitions all at once.  I pray she handles everything alright and knows how much we adore her.  Our firstborn. 

Will he sleep?  Will he cry constantly?  Will I be able to handle two little ones?  So many thoughts swirling around my head in the wee hours of the morning.  Twenty-something 4th graders will be bright-eyed and bushy tailed in a few short hours, expecting me to not have a care in the world.  Too bad that isn't the case, but I have to fake it for their sake.  

I am so excited to meet this precious baby, but nervous about labor and delivery.  I pray that the baby will be safe throughout.  I need God's hand on me, even now, with all these thoughts/fears/anxieties swirling through my head.  All this will be over so very soon.  Am I really ready?  The bottom line is that I have to be.  And now that this isn't my first rodeo, so to speak, I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  No matter how everything plays out, God will see us through everything.  And that is the peace I need for right now.